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Recruiting Justin Bieber to Play College Hoops

Beebs Own Nash

Anybody see that wicked crossover Justin Bieber put down on two-time NBA most valuable player Steve Nash? It got us thinking about recruiting and, well, if there is a place in the college basketball world for a 5’5 point guard with an eleven inch vertical and a beautiful singing voice.

The Perfect Fit

After an exhaustive process, we came up with one school that seems like the perfect fit for the teen heartthrob: Caltech in Pasadena, CA. Okay, so a quarter of the incoming freshman score 2,330 or better (2,400 is a perfect score) on the SAT. Beebs has access to the best tutoring a pop star can buy ( I saw his movie).

A Starter From Day One

The important thing here is basketball and career. And Selena. As in Selena Gomez, Justin’s girlfriend. There is no question Justin can compete at Caltech; five of their 17 players didn’t even play in high school.

The Caltech Biebers?

Caltech is a haven for brilliant and unathletic nerds. The Division III Beavers/Biebers ended a 310-game conference losing streak in February and it’s our contention that Bieber is the missing piece of the puzzle. I mean, if you have ankle-breaking moves against Steve Nash, what chance do a bunch of future engineers and scientists have? Slim to none.

Nine-Year-Old Girls and College Basketball: A Winning Combination

And here’s the best part: Pasadena is only a stone’s throw from Los Angeles–the entertainment epicenter of the world–so Beebs can continue to serenade nine year old girls while dominating Division III basketball. Is the world perfect or what?

A Scout Breaks Down Bieber’s Game

To make it official we’ve decided to have one of our professional scouts break down J.B.’s game.
“Justin’s biggest advantage is he plays below the rim. Just when you’re looking to block his shot–oops–he’s soaring under you for a reverse layup. You can’t teach size and that’s unfortunate because Justin doesn’t have any. But what he lacks in length he makes up for with his heady play and adorable entourage. Bieber has the raw physical tools to succeed but, at 106 pounds, you question his durability. A similar type player? I’d have to go with Sue Bird, the Seattle Storm point guard. They both know how to lead and whip the crowd into a frenzy. Bottom line: JB can compete–maybe even excel–at this level.”

Steve Nash Defense Plus Justin Bieber Equals Viral Video

Plus he can sing the national anthem before games. Perhaps the biggest bonus is that he will still pursue his music while at Caltech. Thank you, Steve Nash. Without your pathetic lack of defense Justin’s basketball gift may have never been revealed to the public.

Andrew College Athletic Recruiting.

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Are you ready for the NEXT STEP!