SCHOLARSHIPS FOR LEFT HANDED PEOPLE
If you look at the pattern for scholarships it’s like a who’s who of discriminated against groups: racial minorities, women, left handed people.
Left handers? Yes, they have left handed scholarships.
There was a time in history when being left-handed was practically the equivalent of being a witch. So, if they have left handed scholarships, could a scholarship for witches be far behind? Google it and see what you come up with.
There were all sorts of cures for being left handed. They could boil it out of you, beat it out out of you, or just tie your left hand behind you. Perhaps the most effective method for curing left handers was the drowning method commonly used on witches. After drowning, a person would rarely show a left handed preference.
How have these left handed souls survived all these years without left handed scholarships? It’s been tough, but somehow they managed. Their steely left handedness probably got them through it.
There have been a good number of left-handed studies done over the years. Mostly these studies are done by the eight to fifteen percent of the population that call themselves left handed. And generally the lefties come out of these studies smelling like a rose. But let us examine the evidence for a moment.
Lefties claim they are better athletes, particularly in the realm of baseball power hitters. Their evidence? Lefties Babe Ruth and Barry Bonds. Okay, check. I’ll give you that one.
Lefties claim they are more creative and inventive. Michelangelo, Paul McCartney, Einstein, Benjamin Franklin. Okay, maybe.
Lefties claim they are better leaders. Evidence? Four of the last seven U.S. Presidents have been left handed. Hmmm. Maybe where there’s smoke there’s fire.
Okay, so maybe it does seem that lefties achieve at a disproportionately high level. But do they need their very own left handed scholarships?
Apparently they do. And Pennsylvania’s Juniata College is happy to accommodate them. They call their version of the left handed scholarships the Frederick and Mary F. Buckley Scholarship. Forty students have received this award over the years and it can be worth up to $1,500.
If you look at the earnings of college-educated lefties, researchers say, they make on average about ten to fifteen percent more money than the relatively poor right handed people. So shouldn’t there be scholarships for the underprivileged righties among us?
Left handed scholarships are one of the top searched scholarships on the internet. It is unclear whether this is because of some brilliant promotional campaign by Juniata College or if there is a mother lode of undiscovered left handed scholarships somewhere.
One thing that is clear about left handed scholarships is that they are the almost perfect symbol for the idea of giving somebody a scholarship for how they were at birth rather than what they accomplished after that day. This is something, however silly, that we should be moving away from not toward. Whether left handed scholarships are real or not they shouldn’t be and the people awarding scholarships should take their jobs more seriously. As far as we can tell, left handed scholarships only exist at one college.
Computer scholarships are just about everywhere these days, once again reflecting the trend where scholarships mirror what is happening in our lives and the workforce.