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FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
McGuire "i did steroids, La russa "no you did not"
Tony La Russa insists that Mark McGuire did not use steroids even after the slugger, off-camera, told members of a Congressional committee, "I did steroids." During a break from Thursday's proceedings, McGuire was videotaped telling several Congressmen huddled near a water-cooler, "Look, who am I kidding? Of course I did 'em. Who'd be dumb enough to think otherwise?" This was still not proof for La Russa, who continued to insist that McGuire's late-career home-run barrage was simply the earned product of his bodybuilding labors. "He did not do steroids," La Russa said. "If he says he did 'em, all I can say is he's lying." "I know him better than any of you. I know him better than he knows himself. Trust me, Mark never did steroids." |
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La Russa has defended McGuire from insinuations of steroid use since the arising of those rumors back in 1995. He reportedly called McGuire Friday afternoon, the day after his testimony, and assured him, "Don't worry, kid. I know you didn't take steroids." La Russa, who has mysteriously enjoyed a reputation for being marginally intelligent (an anomoly in the baseball world), also took the opportunity to reject the "Big Bang" theory and challenge Darwin's theory of evolution, conceding, "I'm tellin' you guys, maybe Negroes evolved from monkeys, but I got my doubts about that, too." But it was McGuire who finally obsessed him. He said he was so sure McGuire was clean, "I'm willing to take a lie-detector test to prove it." "That ought to put this whole thing to rest. Then you can all shut-up and leave the kid alone." |
We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.
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Although they may build muscle, steroids can produce very serious side effects in both males and females. Using steroids for a long period of time can negatively affect the reproductive systems.