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FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
LONG DISTANCE RUNNER TANGLES WITH A SWARM OF PISSED OFF BEES So there I was running
along, minding my own business. Head in the clouds and all that
stuff when they attacked. No warning mind you just into it.
I would sometimes worry about what might happen if I was out running off the beaten track and something happened to me, like a broken leg or a heart attack or something, maybe getting attacked and eaten by a bunch of marauding Koalas. So I always took my phone with me when I went for a long run by myself. I blame the phone, I bought this new, terrific flash one that has GPS and lots of games and cool stuff but it’s to big to fit in the pocket of my shorts so I left it home. I could have called for help and with GPS I could have even told them where I was. Background: Bees are happy little souls, well usually they are, when the hive gets a tad crowded they have a meeting-the worker bees have a meeting, the drones, being drones, don’t give a shit and the queen being the boss cant attend. They take a vote; kick the old queen out with a bunch of drones and the workers who didn’t vote in favor and send them on their way. |
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This is when our paths crossed, me running one way and a swarm of bees that have just been kicked out of home coming the other way. The first couple of stings hurt, then they started to really hurt so I ran off as fast as I could, which is not very fast these days, swatting at the bees-telling them to buzz off-that’s when I fell over. I made it home about an hour later, blood, stings and all swollen up. Spent a day or two in hospital and then to top it off some of the stings got infected. They now tell me that bees are attracted to breathing and movement so you are supposed to lay on the ground and don’t move. The bees will lose interest and go sting someone else. So that’s what I should have done. On the ground, perfectly still and stop breathing. |
Now bees die after they sting you, the stinger stays in you and the bee’s guts and stuff leaks out the hole where the stinger used to be. I wonder if they know before they sting that it’s going to happen. Maybe it’s like a holy war thing-give up my life for the good of the swarm and then off to BEE heaven.
I reckon they don’t know----- They ambush you, shove their stinger in and then look down and say bugger as they watch their guts oozing out the stinger hole.
I am going out for a run shortly, my plan is simple; hold my breath till I get home. Oh and my right ear has been pierced now as well.
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Bittersweet by Adriana Raybould. It began when I was young; days of running around the track with not a care in the world, yet wishing that people would somehow agree to design every track with a smaller circumference for the sake of all humanity.
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