|
FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
MYSTERY ILLNESS FOR STEELERS QUARTERBACK July 21--Ben Roethlisberger, the Steelers' valuable young quarterback, whose claim of a toe injury during last season's aborted playoff run was refuted then by team officials, including the team's head coach Bill Cowher, reported to summer camp with "Lou Gehrig's disease," Roethlisberger himself disclosed to reporters in a break from agility drills.
Roethlisberger said he first grew concerned after noticing some numbness in his extremities and some balance problems over the last six months. "I was pretty freaked out," he said. "I don't generally jump to conclusions, but my first thought was, ‘Lou Gehrig's disease.'" Roethlisberger has a growing history of claiming very dramatic illnesses and injuries, perhaps as a preemptive defense against failure, said team psychologist Jonathon Coioe, Ph.D. "He doesn't have Lou Gehrig's disease," said Ron Weinstein, MD, the team's physician. "We've absolutely ruled that out. We've tested him head to toe. He's neurologically cleared to play." |
Home. About Us. FAQ's. Timeline. Tools.
Articles. |
|
"He probably had some harmless, transient peripheral neuropathic
sensations," Weinstein surmised. "Ben's just a headcase, what can you
say?" Roethlisberger took humbrage at the doctor's swipe at his mental stability, calling him, "A jew." Even with Lou Gehrig's disease, Roethlisberger vowed to play next season at full throttle, and committed to being the first person ever to recover from the dreaded, always fatal affliction. "I looked this thing up on the Web, and I'm not gonna kid you," he said. "What I'm facing is scary. But I'm tellin' you guys right now, and you can write it down, I'm not gonna let this thing stop me. I'm gonna beat this thing. And when we win a Super Bowl, I'm gonna be the guy to have led the team." |
Roethlisberger, in a side note, claimed to have had three of his "problem toes" amputated in May, but would not remove his shoe and sock when a reporter asked to see.
We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.
Baseball I
Basketball I
Board And Card Games I
Cardio Respiratory Fitness
I
College Sports
Camps I
Diet and Sport
FAFSA-Financial Aid Application I
Fitness Training I
Fencing I
Field Hockey I
Football I
Golf
I
Gym Training I
Sports Helmets
Hockey I
Lacrosse I
Lose Weight I NAIA
Conferences I
NCAA DI Conferences
I
NCAA DII
Conferences I
NCAA DIII Conferences
NCAA Emerging Sports I
NCAA Games Rosters
I
Quit Smoking I
Rowing I
Running I
Scholarship News I
Sports Shoes I
Soccer
Softball I
Sports Clothing I Sports Medicine I Sports Training I
Steroids I
Swimming I
Tennis I
Volleyball I
Weight Training
Wrestling
|
|
© College
Sports Scholarships
Contact the Webmaster
Research conducted by the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) has found that nicotine addiction seems to be linked to increased craving for illegal drugs among drug abusers who also smoke tobacco.
Darton College has by far the largest intercollegiate sports program in the state of Georgia.
Seeking to raise Phil Jackson's interest in their head-coaching vacancy, the Knicks have suggested a provision of "weed" be included in their contract talks, sources in the organization confirmed.
Central Pennsylvania College also grants associate degree programs in the fields of Allied Health, Office Administration, Legal Studies, Business, and Information Technology.
The College of Southern Idaho is one of the fastest growing colleges in the state, having doubled its enrollment during the past 8 years.
The New England Journal of Medicine (NEJM) recently reconfirmed what we already know: that people do tend to gain weight when they quit smoking.
Clark State Community College competes in Region XII of the National Junior College Athletic Association and regularly plays teams from Michigan and Ohio. Clark State is also a member of the Ohio Community College Athletic Conference.
And, these are the people, who, for whatever reasons (such as Title IX) are not adding new wrestling teams to college athletics.
SOFTBALL BAT REVIEWS
Demarini DXUCE-7 Demarini Distance AX Demarini F2 Fastpitch Demarini Ultimate Fastpitch Demarini Vexxum Demarini Vexxum 10 Demarini Vexxum Fastpitch Demarini 375 MX Demarini Dark Demarini EVO Demarini F2 Demarini Ultimate Weapon