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FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
FRESH EVIDENCE LINKS O.J.SIMPSON TO LACI PETERSON MURDER Ocala, Fla.--O.J. Simpson says new evidence linking him to Laci Peterson's murder is bogus because "[Lacy] looked nothing like Nicole, she wasn't my wife, so I'd've had no right to kill her."
Simpson said it was a case of his being scapegoated and victimized by a system determined to make him pay for the murder of his wife 12 years ago, the perpetrator of which, he said, was still at-large. Of the DNA evidence reportedly connecting him forensically to the crime, he said, "I'm gonna have to call Johnnie [Cochrane]." Told Cochrane had died last year, he said nervously, "He dead?" Simpson was the first suspect in the Peterson case, earlier even than was Scott Peterson, the husband, because, authorities said, "O.J. is the first suspect now in all murdered wife cases. This is now standard operating procedure." |
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However, preliminary DNA testing cleared him, leading investigators
to Scott Peterson, who was later convicted of the murder and
incarcerated at San Quentin Prison. "Scott will be released soon," his attorney, Mitchell Bergman, promised. "He looks forward to the freedom he'll have to seduce and destroy a new women. That is all we'll be saying for now, other than that I'll be passing out business cards to anyone willing to take one." From his prison cell, Peterson was quoted by a San Quentin Prison publicist as saying, "I'm not the least bit surprised. I knew it was O.J. all along. Now everyone will realize that my fishing 90 miles away from home off the San Francisco bay where my wife and unborn son later washed-up; my then taking on an alias and disguise, and heading towards Mexico with $15,000 in cash…that these developments, in retrospect, and as I've argued all along, were perfectly accidental and coincidental and in no way implied my guilt." |
"If the alibi holds up, it's something we'll have to overcome," said an official in the Modesto, CA prosecutor's office. "But you tell me what's more truthful: DNA, or O.J.?"
We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.
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