Basketball. Stephon Marbury, Larry Brown Fued.

FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE

FEUD. LARRY BROWN-STEPHON MARBURY

Madison Square Garden--A feuding Larry Brown and Stephon Marbury entered couples treatment to seek the mutual understanding that's eluded them for months, a team source disclosed, and the player and coach subsequently confirmed.

Brown, discussing the situation at a Knicks' practice session last Wednesday, said his view of Marbury as a "spoiled, self-centered moron" was sure to be endorsed by the therapist, while Marbury, scoffing, said the therapist was certain to accept his view of Brown as a "controlling, incommunicative, has-been."

Beyond that, the two promised to begin counseling with an open mind. Brown conceded, "If this is what management wants, whatever; you know what this kid's about," while Marbury added, cautiously, "I aint got to kiss this nigger's ass. I aint gonna take his trash-talking sitting down. Remember, I'm from Coney Island."

The Becker Sports Report has obtained from inside sources a transcript portion of the initial therapy session, leaked of course by the team's reptilian president of basketball operations, Isiah Thomas:

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Therapist: Larry, Stephon, hello.
Brown: How long's this gonna be?
Stephon: What up.
Therapist: I understand the two of you haven't been on the same page. Can you tell me more?
Brown: I been coaching for 25 years. That's all I got to say.
Stephon: Call me Starbury.
Therapist: We need a goal here. Let's define a goal. Can we do that?
Brown: Let's start by brainstorming….
Therapist: I like that word, Larry. Brainstorming's good. Keep going.
Brown: Let's start by brainstorming how we can unload this guy without having to eat his inflated contract?
Stephon: Yeah, that'd be fine with me. How 'bout for starters, coach, you pay back some 'a the money you stole from the team this year. They paying you $10 million to finish with the worst record in the league?
Brown: See what I mean? Can you believe this kid?
Therapist: We're talking. At least we're talking. That's a start.

Yesterday, Brown denied that his benching of Marbury during important stretches of recent games had anything to do with their worsening relationship.

"I've never been passive-aggressive like that," he said. "If I got a beef with a guy, he's gonna know about it directly through the reporters I talk to about him. If I'm gonna bench him, he's gonna learn about it right around tip-off time. So I don't know where that comes from."

Brown was asked whether a sit-down with Marbury, of a more personal nature, might abate their growing rift.

"I've talked with Stephon personally," he said. "Matter of fact, just last week I had [Assistant Coach Herb] Williams tell him exactly what I expected of him. I must 'a had a good ten conversations with Steph this year where I made it crystal clear, directly through my assistants, and you guys, what my concerns were."

Said Marbury, "That's coach. I'm tellin' you, he don't listen; he's got a closed-door policy," to which Brown answered, "Tell [Marbury] he can knock on my door any time he wants. You guys tell him that. Directly, from me. And tell him if I don't answer, if the door dudn't open, he can bitch to [Herb] Williams. I promise Herb'll listen. Tell him that. Directly from me."

Of course you like the guy," said Rod Thorn, General Manager of the Nets. "He's a terrible GM, and in this league, you love tWe would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.

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