Basketball. Knicks Head Coach Larry Brown Finds God.

FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE

KNICKS HEAD COACH, LARRY BROWN TURNS TO GOD.

Lifelong atheist, Larry Brown, the Knicks' head coach, has turned to God for answers to the team's dismal performance in this traumatic season of obliterated expectations.

"I pray now, every night," Brown said. "I pray, first of all, that there is a God. And if there is, I pray for Him to inject my guys with some intelligence and a clue. I pray, most of all, for the season to end."

Somewhat morbidly, Brown admitted, "I even pray sometimes for our plane to crash."

Brown, who is Jewish, said he's never been religious and has "never really believed in God," but he has now taken to joining his players in the center-court prayer huddle after games.

"Why not?" he asked. "What do I have to lose?"

Brown said mostly what's discussed in these huddles "is not actually prayer, but gripes about playing time and plans for partying later that night." Nevertheless, he said he sometimes finds the "camaraderie moving."

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"We're never closer as a team than in this posture of prayer."

Brown confirmed reports that several Knicks lately have been taking the court in "dress shoes," while others have been malingering dubious ailments such as "sudden migraines," "acute abdominal pain right before games," and "diverticulitis-type stuff."

He said he's made it clear that "sneakers must be worn on the court, with Knicks uniforms, nothing else," and that, going forward, players resisting team rules would see dwindling playing time.

"We don't want playing time," Stephon Marbury, the team's point-guard, retorted, a cluster of his teammates nearby nodding their agreement.

We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.

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