Knicks include "weed" in contract talks with Phil Jackson.

FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE

KNICKS AND PHIL JACKSON TALKS HEAT UP

TEAM'S WILLINGNESS TO INCLUDE WEED IN CONTRACT REVIVES JACKSON'S INTEREST

Seeking to raise Phil Jackson's interest in their head-coaching vacancy, the Knicks have suggested a provision of "weed" be included in their contract talks, sources in the organization confirmed.

Jackson, whose attention had reportedly been waning, was immediately "compelled to revisit the situation," sources in both camps said.

"It's no secret that Phil's always had a wonderful relationship with dope," Del Harris, a friend and former assistant coach, said. "He was high all the time during the championship runs, and so was I."

In Jackson, the Knicks are courting a coach with unmatched cachet who would immediately solve the team's need for an ego-driven, arrogant, smugly confident personality. Jackson shamelessly spent a career exploiting the league's greatest superstars to build his gaudy resume, which is about as authentic as a mail-order doctorate. But it's the splashy Jackson the Knicks seem to want.

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Isiah Thomas, the team's General Manager, did not duck a very predictable question: how would he handle the possibility, however remote, that, under Jackson, the team's fortunes might reverse and Jackson receive the credit?

"C'mon, guys. You know me," he said. "I'd fire him."

"Believe me, this is well thought-out... we consulted a bunch of people on this," Thomas added. "The big thing was, we asked [Jackson's people] what it would take to rekindle Phil's interest. They said, 'try weed.'"

Jackson, a world traveler and spiritual seeker, recently returned from the jungles of New Guinea, where he spent three months screwing pymies.

"I'm tapped out," he said. "I was doing 10-20 a day. They're a fascinating species.

We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.

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The 1st Boston Marathon was held on Patriot's Day, April 19, 1897, a little over a year after the running of the 1st Olympic marathon in Athens.

As with a lot of history, the origin of baseball cannot be narrowed down to one single date. From the best estimations we know that the game of baseball originated from the British sports of cricket and rounders, somewhere in the mid-1700s to early-1800s.

Because caffeine is a powerful and habit-forming drug, it's a good idea to periodically examine your caffeine habit. Would you feel better if you reduced or eliminated the amount of caffeine in your life?