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FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
KNICKS CHANNING FRY, FIRST ROUND PICK, REPORTABLE PREGNANT. Madison Square Garden, 8/16--Channing Frye, the Knicks' first-round pick in last June's draft, has deepened the team's concerns about his putative "softness" by telling close friends and teammates, "I'm pregnant! And I wants to have this baby!"
"I had my suspicions," Frye shared today with local media. "I was late with my period, and even the guys thought I looked a bit wan." "I was also unusually sensitive to elbows and being pushed around in practice, so Wednesday night I took the home pregnancy test and, well, what can I say?" Frye, 6'11', whom the Knicks hoped would contribute soon to a club sorely in a need of a productive big man, immediately informed his summer camp coaching staff that he'd be taking "a leave of absence" during the pregnancy and for at least another month post-partum "so I can bond with my baby." Although elated Frye said he was surprised to have conceived because "I been careful" and also "cause dudes aint 'spossed to get pregnant." |
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He said he quickly scheduled an appointment with an OB-GYN recommended
by teammate Allan Houston, "cause Al [Houston] say he's crazy 'bout this
doctor. Plus, he got me in fast." Frye is believed to be the first Knick ever to become pregnant. "This is new to us," said Steve Mills, the team's president. "We're consulting with Channing, his agent and our attorneys to formulate a reasonable response." If Frye were willing to play, as so many women are willing to work, during the pregnancy, he would likely "add pregnancy bulk" to a frame that could badly use the extra mass, several team insiders said. "He's one skinny-ass motherfucker," said chief scout Loren Speakerman. "And those are the broads who put on the most weight during pregnancies... the real skinny ones. That's just what he needs, what we'd like to see...another 50, 60 pounds. |
"In that sense, the pregnancy could be a blessing in disguise."
Frye is said to have continued participating in informal, light drills,
albeit cautiously and protectively of his new status.
"He's constantly shrieking 'Watch my abdomen, bitch!', whenever anyone
goes near him," said Nate Robinson, a rookie guard, and friend. "He's
extremely vigilant of the embryo, especially 'cause there's miscarriages
in his family history."
Frye deflected concerns about how this might affect the Knicks'
investment in him. "This aint about Knicks," he said. "It's about me and
my baby."
We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.
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