Tel Aviv, Israel, 5/16/06:Rabbi Abraham Goldstein of Masada, his wife Gilda, and their 15 year old son Moses, on a fishing vacation in Tel Aviv along the Mediterranean coast, caught a gefilte fish today that weighed 30.6 pounds, easily the largest gefilte fish ever caught in Israel, if not the world, Israeli fish and wildlife officials reported.

Gefilte fish once teemed in these waters, but their numbers have dwindled steadily in the last 100 years, to a point, many have worried, of near extinction. The Goldsteins' catch was thrilling to Jews who've prayed for the Gefilte fish's revival.

The Goldsteins, recognizing how rare, precious, and endangered the fish is, immediately agreed to keep it (rather than "throw it back").

"We'd caught three lousy kippers in eight hours," said Abraham, defensively. "This luck comes our way after all this suffering? You tell me, vood you have thrown it back?"

$250 Essay
Competition.

Funny Sports Stories.

The Goldsteins used "homemade chopped horseradish" as bait, and said they would immediately begin manufacturing it in bulk and selling it worldwide to anglers looking to duplicate their magic.

"This is opportunity, not exploitation," said Abraham, again defensively.

Unbeknownst to most Jews in the world, the gefilte fish they buy for Seders is flavored, processed pike and whitefish, not the "real thing."

"Dis is pure gefilte, the real mccoy," Abraham boasted proudly.

"Adonai has truly blessed our family," echoed his son, Moses, who added, "Living as we do near the Dead Sea, we don't often get a chance to catch live fish."