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FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
EVANGELIST CLEARS EAGLES' OWENS' TO PLAY Minister Robert Tilton, a prominent television evangelist approached by the Philadelphia Eagles for a second opinion on Terrell Owens' injury status, declared that, after scanning the star receiver with his eyes only, it was evident Owens' ankle fracture and ligament damage from an earlier injury had "healed completely."
Owens, Tilton said, was "fit to go" in next Sunday's Super Bowl. The Eagles, and Owens, felt vindicated by Tilton's exam, which observers said lasted "for at least 10 seconds." Tilton said the team's head coach, Andy Reid, had called his ministry last Wednesday to inquire whether he offered second opinions. Tilton said he faxed Reid back immediately, stressing, "Of course not, but that should pose no problem whatsoever." Tilton is said to have met with Owens and Eagles officials in a secret Houston boiler-room location, where one of Tilton's telemarketing scams was effectively screwing geriatrics out of thousands of dollars for a bogus Tsunami Relief fund. There, Tilton, fixedly staring at Owens for "a few creepy seconds," is said to have used his "omniscience" to clear him. |
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Reid said the team would never jeopardize Owens' future for a single
game, even one as important as the Super Bowl. "This is about his
life, his future," Reid said, tearfully. "That's why we went the
distance. That's why we sought out Tilton." Tilton said that, contrary to the surgeon's report, Owens had "full range of motion" in his ankle, and no hardware whatsoever. "There's nothing in there, no plates or screws. I don't know what the surgeon's seeing. But I'm telling you that. I saw, with my own eyes." |
We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.
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