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FUNNY SPORTS SATIRE
49ERS PONDER HERRION'S DEATH Describing it as "one of the most difficult decisions we've ever made," San Francisco 49'ers owner John York said the team would waive Thomas Herrion today after doctors and forensic experts reconfirmed that Herrion "was dead" and had "no remaining upside" left to ponder.
Herrion collapsed after a preseason game against the Vikings last week and was un-revivable. "We'd been waiting for the exact cause of death," York said, "but our doctors explained that, even with the cause identified, it would not change [Herrion's] status. He'd still be dead, and unable to contribute to the team." Mike Nolan, the team's head coach, said Herrion's death "leaves a giant hole in our hearts, but more importantly, in our offensive line. Even though we projected him as a backup, we needed that big, fat fella." |
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Herrion had slimmed down considerably, to about 325 pounds, team
officials said, the best shape he'd been in in his life. "He was almost
lookin' skinny," said Mike Singletary, as assistant coach. "Some of us
were a little worried about him." Herrion had reported to the Cowboys' camp last summer weighing 635 pounds, the heaviest in his career, but only the third heaviest in that camp. He'd made a commitment, friends and family said, to entering the 49'ers training camp in a condition to make the roster. In waiving Herrion, who can now be picked-up by any team, and in whom the Jets are said to have some interest ("'cause you can always use big bodies,' said Herman Edwards, the team's positive-minded head coach), the 49'ers are symbolically "letting him go," said York, who consulted grief counselors on how best to assist the team's players in mourning his loss. |
"This is tough," York said. "But Thomas is now free to sign with any
other team. At least we're not holding him back."
Herrion's funeral was attended by 500 supporters; he was buried in a
local quarry, the only chasm large enough to fit his massive body.
We would like to thank Steve Becker, editor and writer of the " Becker Sports Report" for permission to reprint this article.
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